It feels so heavy that i cant even show a slight smile on my face the whole day.
I dont draw much, i do love to draw but just for a little while. The urge to draw grows stronger when i feel sadder. I cant express it through words, that's why i draw my feeling on the paper. It can be some silly princess, flowers, towers, sky, clouds, as long as i draw something , i feel relax. More like i'm having a conversation with the book, with the pencils and the colors that i make cheer me up little by little.
Why am i sad today? I dont really know... again. LoL. People saying that im boring because i dont know how to share my feeling and im rude because i answer them too short. But if i dont even understand it myself , how can i share with them? Isnt a picture worth thousand words? or action speak louder than words? I did exactly what i wanted them to do back to me, yet none of them be able to capture my thoughts. *sigh* Or is it true that im somehow... weird?
I tried.. i tried to get along with people, but i cant really do it right.. People may like me at first because they thought im open-minded and friendly. But i cant keep up with that all the time. Sometimes their lives seems so simple, seems like they can fully enjoy it with less worries than me. Maybe im wrong. I know im wrong. But i still feel jealous of their lives.
He said he was jealous of my life, because i can get whatever i want, and he cant. You know.. sometimes machine/ toys or a smart phone cant really replace a friend?
When i was young i have lots of barbie dolls and clothes, but my parents afraid the other kids would damage the toys so they didnt let me bring it outside the house to play with my cousins. Once in a while i got to play barbie with my cousin, and it was fun. More fun than playing alone, with lots of pretty clothes , my barbie still felt... incomplete. She wanted someone to talk to too, just like me.
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